Thursday, April 19, 2007

A Dual Life

The reason that my free-time is so limited is because I have two full time jobs. Yes, that’s right, I am simultaneously trying to finish a PhD in biology and raise 2 toddlers. Toddlers who (I hate to admit) are quickly growing to that stage known as the terrible-twos. Now these two jobs are seemingly (and perhaps actually) incompatible for a number of reasons that I won’t go into at this time. For now it is sufficient to say that both jobs require my full attention, and half my attention is not sufficient to do either job properly. But to simply pick one and discard the other is not even remotely a possibility. For obvious reasons I can’t pick the PhD over the twins. Well, I guess I could. There are people who pick careers over children. But A and K are so fun, and so amazing, and so loveable, that I can’t imagine my life with out them. They brighten my life every single day (yes even the days when they throw up all over me while I’m struggling to get out the door in the morning). Giving up the PhD is equally out of the question. For one thing, I am just too damn close (sorry girls) to finishing to just walk away. I’ve been at this for almost 7 years now (yes, I know I’m about to exceed the time limit) and it would just be too disheartening (to say the least) to quit now. Throwing in the towel would be to give up on me and everything I was before the girls was born. And that just wouldn’t be fair. To me or to the girls. Who would want a mother who resented your birth because she gave up too much of herself? So I will continue to struggle with this dual life to its only possible conclusion. That being said, I need to do some more work until it’s time to get the girls from daycare.

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